Tag Archives: Coaching

purposeful journey

7 Feb

winter dawn

The other day, I was on a call one of my colleagues was doing for her community . She mentioned how winter’s harshness can be counterproductive in terms of getting things done with the swiftness that we are often used to.  She talked about how we push ourselves so much to keep going, when in the past winter has been a time for slowing down, resting, closure, and endings.  She used nature to illustrate her point, talking about the end of a year and how it’s symbolized by barren trees, ice and snow.  What she said really resonated with me.  Growing up in Pennsylvania myself, I can see how the transition from one season to the next is the perfect metaphor for life.

As the seasons have come and gone over the past couple of years, they have mirrored the highs and lows of my own life. The infinite cycles of Mother Nature bringing with her the rebirth and growth of spring, the abundance and brightness of summer,  the reflection and acceptance of fall, and the endings and closure of winter.  As we in North America look with anticipation to the thaw and renewal of the coming spring and escaping one of the harshest winters on record, I can’t help but notice the similarities that show up for me.

I’m ready for spring and the end of winter! Proudly admiring the culmination to my labor of self-love:  Me!  🙂  I feel like a brand that’s been remarketed… (read in cheesy TV commercial announcer voice) Jen Halulko!   New and Improved  QSCA Certified formula! Now you get super-charged doses of the qualities you know and love! An Intuitive Life Coach, she’ll teach you how to use your Intuition with the Law of Attraction to deliberately create your life so you can have the love, relationship, and family you desire and deserve!

Aaahhhh.  That felt gooooood!! Like it? I came up with that all by myself!  Hee! 🙂 Seriously though, I’m so excited, and so proud of myself for getting my certification.  I honestly worked my ass off to get it, and it was something I actually wanted to do.  I went back to school for my Bachelor’s Degree because I felt like I had to.  I was working in Corporate America then and to get a decent salary and even be considered for a promotion, I had to have a degree.  Now it’s pretty much a given that one needs a Master’s Degree or higher! I’d started my MBA prior to leaving my job for that reason.  Upon leaving and embarking on the journey of self-discovery that led me here, I abruptly ended that pursuit.  That’s not to say I think poorly of higher education.  For me; however, it wasn’t something I really wanted to do, and for that reason, I stopped doing it.

There’s nothing like a healthy dose of self-confidence to help you notice when you’re doing things out of a sense of obligation or the expectations of others.  So, I went from one day living life just going through the motions, to a complete 180.  Topsy turvy, upside down, sideways, inside out, and back again all in a few months—and it hit me like a ton of bricks—as it would anyone who is used to living to please others rather than themselves. Things happen in life that we aren’t prepared for. 

Things happen in life that we worry might happen and are afraid will happen.  Things happen in life that are extremely painful, but one thing remains consistent through them all.  After we’ve worked through them and come out on the other side, we look back and realize that they were necessary– even required– for us to learn the lessons we needed to learn in order to find our life purpose.

The reason we went through all the struggle and pain in the first place is to get to where we are right now, looking back on those things with fresh eyes, a new perspective, and one of gratitude for the journey.  Painful though it was, we were able to find the reason we are here, the reason we were born, our purpose in life.  Seems crazy, doesn’t it?  I know, it did to me too! But that was before I embraced my gifts or learned about the Law of Attraction.

 

Stay tuned! 🙂  lone woman

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New Year…New Life

8 Sep

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During the time I was dealing with losing my job and sorting out the issues with my friend, a family friend came back into my life.  She and my mom had been friends since they were kids, I’d known her since birth, and we considered her family.  I’d grown up calling her my Aunt, her children my cousins, and so on.  She and I had always been close and I was very fond of her.   She had always been a unique individual, free-spirited, or what my mother liked to call “flaky”.  It wasn’t unusual for years to go by without hearing from her.  I’d wonder how she was doing  and would eventually track her down.  I had done just that earlier that year in May, a couple of months before losing my job. We talked every few days from then on.

About a month later, I was talking to her during the hour-long drive home in the early morning hours from my ghost tour job in Saint Augustine.  She confided in me that she was in a horrible living situation and desperate to get out, but had nowhere to go. I called her back the next day after talking it over with my husband and invited her to come stay with us. The plan was for her to stay as long as she needed until she had saved enough money to get her own place.  I was excited to have her come and stay, but there was an uneasiness in my gut when I thought about it. Figuring it was just the idea of someone living with us causing it, I made the call anyway and brushed it off.  Unfortunately, like so many times before when I ignored that inner voice; what I now call my soul voice, I made the wrong decision.   I remembered her as a sweet, nurturing presence in my life when I was a kid,  and as someone I could always talk to, no matter what. I felt my kids would benefit from her being around since I intended to return to work full-time when I found another job and she’d be there with them when I couldn’t be.  They’d have another adult with a positive presence in their lives. She’d benefit by getting out of her current living situation and have a place to stay with people who loved and appreciated her, and she could save up the money to start over.  She offered to help out with the kids, cooking, etc., in return for staying with us.  I figured it was a win-win situation for all concerned.

She arrived December 1, 2012.  She’d changed her name over the few years that passed from the last time I’d seen her until I tracked her down and called her in May.  The day she arrived, she asked that we not call her by her former name.  She reasoned that it bothered her because she’d been through hell and having coming out on the other side, she felt that person was long gone.  In hindsight, I can see where the red flag should have gone up for me.  After all, I’d known her all my life as that person.  Chalking it up to one of her many eccentricities, I didn’t give it much thought at the time.  It felt strange and awkward calling her by this new name, but wanting to respect her wishes, I compromised and just called her “Auntie.”  I would find out her name wasn’t the only thing that had changed since I’d seen her last.

…next…new year…new life…part 2

My Induction into Paranormal Life – Letting Go (part 2)

5 Aug

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I’d started to feel better about myself and working with my life coach, I was able to pin point why I felt the way I did.  After releasing all of the negative energy from my work environment, I still felt burdened.  My life coach asked me some very pointed questions, and while answering them I realized that I felt judged and mistreated; much the same way I felt when I was working for my previous employer.  We talked about why I didn’t express how I felt to my friends.  I told her that I really thought that if I told them I felt I had been mistreated, the friendships would end.  Then she said something that really hit home, “If you truly feel that if you tell these women, who say they are your friends, how they’ve hurt you by belittling you and treating you as though your needs, wants, and feelings don’t matter; then are they really people you should call friends?  Friends are the people in your life who support you, uplift you, and make you laugh when you really want to cry.  I don’t see any of this for you with these women.  When is the last time you actually felt happy, supported, or uplifted after spending time with them?”  To tell the truth, I felt like shit more often than not afterwards. I had to admit, she made a good point.  These “friendships”were nothing but struggle and emotional turmoil during a time in my life when I’d had enough of that without adding more fuel to the fire.  Ultimately the question that needed to be answered was: why was I putting up with it?

I did take the time to self reflect.  What behavior of mine could have caused this issue?  Was there a pattern?  Something I needed to change?  Yes!  I never said no.  I’d wanted to at times, but just couldn’t do it.  I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.  I wanted to make people happy, even if that meant making myself miserable in the process.  I’d been that way since I could remember.  I had a very hard time with conflict and confrontation if I was defending myself.  I had no problem with it if I was defending someone else.  My feelings were just as important as anyone else’s; weren’t they?   I promised myself that moving forward, I would start saying no if I wanted to say no and if something someone did or said upset me, I’d tell them.  Have you ever made a decision that was fairly easy to make, but carrying it out was much more difficult?  Me too.

There were two people in particular I knew I had to handle right off. Thinking back about it now, I can honestly say that I had allowed them both to bully me so much that they actually had me convinced that I was wrong to feel the way I did!  When there were times I happened to disagree with them on something, they would tag team and take their turns making snide remarks and wise cracks disguised as playful teasing.  They definitely took advantage of knowing how to get a rise out of me.   Eventually one of them went out of the country for several months.  During that time things seemed to improve.  The other third of the trio did return; however, and I found myself right back where I started.  The more time the two of them spent together, the more they began to act alike; like they’d both just stepped off the set of Mean Girls.  Now I had a dilemma.  I didn’t like how I felt when it was all three of us, but when the other third wasn’t around, things were fine.  I didn’t feel I could bring the issue up just yet, so there was no more trio. When she was in the picture, I wasn’t, and that’s how it went for some time until I had no choice but to lay all of my cards out on the table…

…next…frenemies…

My Induction into Paranormal Life – Letting Go (part 1)

4 Aug

heart-inspiring-life-love-quot-Favim.com-425667_largeAt some point in our lives, we have probably all heard the phrase, “fair weather friends.”  It refers to those people in your life who love to be around you when things are good and as soon as you show any sign that you might possibly need something from them they take the proverbial hike.  They go MIA.  They stop answering their phone.  Things are going well for them, so you haven’t heard from them in…how long has it been? I wouldn’t have those kinds of friends, would I?

I have always been the person people knew they could go to in a crisis.  If they called and were upset and hurting, I wouldn’t tell them they were intruding on the date night I’d  finally managed to get a sitter for.  I recall countless times being on the phone with this person, or that person for hours lending an ear, and sacrificing precious time with my husband and kids as a result.  My husband would give me “the look.”  It’s the look that I came to know as his, “You’re on the phone AGAIN,” look.  There was another look he’d give me when he’d had enough of me being unavailable to the family due to some crisis someone else was having.  Quality time for the two of us was scarce as it was, and I’d managed to spend most; if not all of it, on the phone consoling a friend or family member through yet another drama.

Digging deep and taking an honest look at my friendships wasn’t easy, and by doing so I noticed a disturbing fact. Many of those very same people I’d consistently sacrificed hours for weren’t there for me when the roles were reversed. Truthfully, it always bothered me that although I respected their time and took their feelings into consideration, I wasn’t given the same courtesy. When I needed emotional support or to talk about something that was upsetting me, the subject would get changed and I’d find myself engaged in another conversation about them.  After a while, it got to the point where I’d call; no answer.  I’d leave a message, they wouldn’t call back.  At first it just seemed as if they were avoiding me; then I knew they were.  If I got fed up enough to mention it, I was always brushed off.  It made me feel like my expectations of my friends were unrealistic. “You’re so needy.”  “You take everything way too personally.”  “You’re too sensitive.”  “I don’t understand why you let things bother you so much.  You’re overreacting.”  “You took it wrong.” “You’re so negative.”  “If all you want to talk about is drama, I don’t have time for it.  I’ve got enough going on in my life.”  Those responses hurt.  After all, aren’t your friends supposed to care about you? These were the same people I’d been there for over and over.  Were there times when they called me to vent that I wanted to tell them their actions and choices caused the issues they were having?  Of course there were!  Did I actually do it?  Of course not!  Why?  Because I cared enough about their feelings not to.  I felt it wasn’t my place to judge or criticize them; only to be there for them. I started to see a pattern.  As long as I didn’t assert myself, or call them out for their selfish behavior, everything was fine.  As soon as I started to question their motives or actions, there was nothing but conflict. No matter what the situation, I was made wrong for allowing whatever it was to bother me.  It became obvious to me that being right for them was more important than my feelings or anything else.  Things got to the point that I decided it wasn’t worth saying anything at all. I’d just end up feeling like shit and nothing would get resolved anyway.  It was easier to just avoid the entire issue altogether.  So for months, that’s what I did.

….next…letting go part 2…

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My Induction Into Paranormal Life-Part XV

26 Jul

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It was 4 months prior to me getting fired, but I already felt like a failure both in my career and as a mother. I really knew and felt that it was only a matter of time before my entire house of cards came tumbling down around me.  I was depressed, bitter, angry, restless, and felt helpless…not me at all.  The day I typed, “I hate my life” in the Google search was one of my most desperate days ever. I knew I was headed for disaster. I felt like I was on my way toward some kind of a breakdown. I didn’t like how I felt and I was desperately searching for a life line.  I sent out a soul call that day.

A soul call is a cry for help that one sends out into the universe; sometimes knowingly, most of the time unknowingly.  I didn’t know it that day, but when I Googled, “I hate my life,” I sent out a call asking for help.  I couldn’t see the computer screen because of tears that had welled up in my eyes; which only served to make me angry.  I was sick and tired of crying, hurting, and being misunderstood.  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired!  I managed to calm myself enough to read the search results and clicked the link that would later change my life.  I remember thinking, “Like this is going to help.”  It just goes to show how powerful soul calls actually are.  Soul calls are like prayers in that they are very powerful and they are always answered, but often not the way we think they will be.  For instance,  I thought I was asking for help to keep my job. Little did I know that 4 months later it would be a moot point.  I was asking for my life to change, and my desperation caused it to happen the fastest way possible!

Things did change– so quickly and drastically since then — sometimes it feels like a different lifetime.  All of the things that have happened in that one short year still boggle my mind.  Having worked my way through and overcome each obstacle as it came, I know all were for my good.  In retrospect, getting fired from my job was just how things had to happen so the change I wanted so desperately could manifest.  I closed the door on that portion of my life, causing another one to open; then another, and another, until once again I find myself facing yet another door. Do I leave it closed?  Do I open it and walk through? Getting fired wasn’t the hardest thing I would face in that year.

….to be continued…

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My Induction Into Paranormal Life- Part XIV

19 Jul

Believe

My soul voice had guided me toward the inner strength and peace I had always longed for, but had never been able to obtain, and to the path I am on today. I read the blog, and was very pleased to discover that this woman was down to earth and not all hearts and rainbows. She was a real person! Her life sucked at times too! Awesome! She offered a free 30 day course on self-love and after some deliberating, I signed up for it. It was free, so what the hell, right? I felt I had nothing to lose at that point, and if I didn’t get anything out of it, I was no worse off.

I did learn some valuable things in that month. The knowledge I gained was a stone, when cast into the waters of my higher self, caused a ripple effect that has created tremendous change to my very core. An a-ha moment of this magnitude can and often does create a shift in the way one perceives herself. I began to feel I had value. I felt I deserved to be treated decently, with respect, and courtesy. I began to say no to people because I finally felt I had a right to. For the first time in my life I did things because I wanted to, not because I was worried that someone would be offended if I didn’t.

That first step toward improving my self-confidence has been invaluable to me. I credit it, finding a terrific therapist, and getting my own life coach for most of the changes my life has undergone since. Is my life perfect? Hell no it’s not perfect, but nothing is! It’s the change in my perspective that’s made the difference. I don’t feel like a victim to life. It’s that confidence shift that gave me the courage to take a good, hard, honest look inward, to seek out answers, and to trust my soul voice to lead me to them.

I feel that self-reflection is a very important tool that can be used for self-improvement, self-help, and self-love.  Taking responsibility for the things that go wrong in life that you may ultimately be responsible for is important also.  There is no self-improvement for someone who always blames others for her problems and never takes responsibility for the part she may play in those problems.  For example, if someone finds herself in bad relationship after bad relationship, but never looks inward to do some analyzing, she will always blame the other person in the relationship for it going wrong; however, there could very possibly be a pattern of choices she is making that are part of the issue.  Sadly, she will forever be stuck in unsuccessful relationships, because she will be oblivious to her own destructive patterns.

The same could be said for someone who walks around with a victim mentality toward life.  I know this from experience and it’s an existence devoid of joy and immersed in pain.  Add to that the anxiety, pain, sadness, negativity, grief and every other emotion an empath experiences that is not hers, and life becomes a struggle.  One minute up, the next down, anxious and scared, then happy and laughing, then angry…all seemingly out of the blue with no provocation whatsoever. Enough of this type of living, and you’d have to be nuts not to look for something–anything–that might help.

…To be Continued…

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My Induction into Paranormal Life-Part XIII

14 Jul

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A few days ago, on July 10th, 2013, it was exactly a year since I left my job. It’s really crazy how life can change so drastically in the blink of an eye; yet seem to come full circle again and leave you right back where you started. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection and soul-searching, and I’ve learned so much in such a short time; about myself and others as well.

It’s important to note that I didn’t know I was an empath until recently and throughout my life, I’ve always been very sensitive to the feelings of others. I have always been extra sensitive to negative energies, especially the ones that were focused toward me. I’d spend countless hours analyzing. I would feel responsible for them and turn them inward; thinking it was my fault. If only I was(n’t) ______, if only I wouldn’t have ______, or it’s because I _______, was common inner dialogue for me. There have been times in my life that this type of self-criticism has damaged my psyche to the point of despair. Once it got to the point of me being suicidal. Thankfully, I recognized the thoughts I was having at that time as being unhealthy and I sought help. I felt those familiar feelings last January, and I started looking for ways to climb out of the pit of despair I found myself in.

One very difficult morning, I couldn’t face going to work that day. It was a chore just to get out of bed most days, which made me habitually late during that time. Not wanting to face the judgement of being late yet again, I called in sick. After my husband left for work and the kids left for school, I found myself crying and unable to stop. I got out my lap top and Googled, “I hate my life.” I found a website that was about self-love and how to get it. It was a life coach’s web site. I didn’t know anything about life coaches, so I don’t know why I had the opinion I did, but I had always thought that life coaching was a bunch of, “Life is wonderful…lah dee dah…” and I really wasn’t in any mood to read about how great life is and all you have to do is think positive, etc. I started reading the information on the web site thinking it was going to be another one of those kinds of deals. I almost closed out the page without reading it, but something inside told me to give it a chance. My soul voice was guiding me to something.

…to be continued…