Most people get to a certain point in their lives and start to evaluate; especially after something significant happens that causes them to be faced with a major life change or their own mortality. The death of a relative, getting married, having kids, losing a job, turning 40, or any other life changing event or milestone can prompt you to take stock of your situation.
After I lost my job, I had plenty of free time to take a good, long look at mine. I did have a lot to be thankful for. I had my health, a nice home, 3 beautiful kids, and a husband who was everything I could ever hope for. But..I still didn’t have joy in my life. Life seemed daunting, hard, a struggle to get through most days, and I couldn’t figure out why. The two main causes of stress in my life; my oldest daughter and my job, had now been reduced by half. As a parent, I knew I needed to figure something out. I was tired of being miserable! In my opinion, you can’t be a good parent and take care of your kids if you don’t know how to take care of yourself.
I had read that a gratitude journal could help change one’s focus from the negative to the positive things in life, so I decided to give it a try. One of the things the article suggested was to think of the people in your life who support you. These people are the ones who want to see you succeed, do well, be happy, and are there for you no matter what. I wrote down the people who came to my mind first; my husband, my parents, my life coach, my therapist, my aunt, and my mother-in-law. Then I started to think about my friends. Friends support you, right? 
I have two really great friends that I met after my husband and I got married in 1994, and we’ve been friends through all the military moves to different states and countries. No matter the amount of miles separating us, or how often we saw each other or spoke on the phone, we could always pick up right where we left off as if no time had gone by. I wrote these two friends down. The friends I had made more recently, I’d made at my job. After I examined my friendships with them further, I decided that they weren’t really friends.
Had I gotten it wrong somehow? Maybe somewhere along the way, I’d gotten the wrong idea about what a friend is supposed to be. After all, these days with Facebook and Twitter, a “friend” is just someone you know or that your friends know. Was it possible that I’d misinterpreted the meaning of that word all this time? I had managed to take a task meant to change my outlook, and turn it into a reality check.
I’ve always had a hard time making friends. Later, after finding out about my gifts, I would learn that it’s always difficult for an empath to trust, due to our ability to read others. I know when people are being honest and sincere and when they’re not. Maybe because most of my “friends” were at least 5 or 6 years younger than me, didn’t have kids, weren’t married, etc., I expected too much from them. The only basis for comparison I had was how I treated them. I was there for my friends to confide in and rely on. I was there for support, to have fun with and commiserate with. I considered their feelings, was honest with them, and I didn’t judge them if their opinion was different from mine. I was there to give advice if they asked for it. I valued each one of them as a person, treated them with respect, and they knew I genuinely cared. I realized that they were benefiting much more from being friends with me than I was from being friends with them. As a matter of fact, when I reached out to them for support, they usually made me feel worse; not better!
…next…letting go…
soul posts 