I’ve been told I am a powerful manifestor. I have to agree. Whatever I’m focusing on…positive or negative…will usually manifest. This is a wonderful gift when I’m focusing on something I want. When I was stuck in negativity and playing a victim role, I was focusing on the things I didn’t want. As you can imagine, during that time it didn’t seem so much as a gift as it did a curse. I spent a long time thinking I had the worst luck, and if anything was going to happen that was shitty…yep, it would happen to me. I lived life waiting for the other shoe to drop with an outlook that was very pessimistic. I believe that if you spend your time focusing only on the negative things that happen, that is all that you are going to notice. You may even be attracting more negativity toward you, without realizing it. Like attracts like.
I wanted change. I attracted change. It wasn’t exactly how I imagined it, but it happened nonetheless. After taking that 30 Day course and losing my job, I became convinced that it was my lack of self-esteem that led me there. To put it very simply, I felt that my insecurity projected out to people around me, and they treated me the way I thought I deserved to be treated. I now found myself with a dilemma. The analytical part of my brain couldn’t accept this notion that if I just changed my thinking, POOF, my life would change. I could have the joy, confidence, and security I wanted with no limits? “Yeah, right,” my inner critic would sarcastically exclaim. As it turned out, my inner self, and I were both right.
As a result of the incredible changes I was able to make in such a short time, I found myself looking for anything I could find under the heading “Self Help”. I devoured all I could. Some of it was very useful. Some of it wasn’t. After realizing that I wasn’t going to find what I needed in a book, I decided that I needed to be able to speak to someone live, one on one, so that I could get answers to my questions. I liked the free course I took and it helped so much more than I expected it would, that when the time came for a paid course I was interested in, I decided to go for it. The price was reasonable to me, and I did receive a severance when I got fired, so I figured I’d benefit not only myself by taking it, but my family and my next employer as well. The course brought together many different coaches on various topics, and I was like a sponge soaking up all I could. One guest in particular resonated with me so much that I decided to take her up on her offer for a free call with her.
I was so nervous before the call that I almost chickened out! I had made a promise to myself that I would never let insecurity or fear stand in the way of something that could benefit me ever again, and I forced myself to keep the appointment. It was the first time that I had ever given myself permission to be vulnerable and allow someone else to help me instead of me helping everyone else. I had spent much of my life being the strong one, the nurturer, the peacemaker, the bigger person. In return I’d gotten heartache and betrayal. I had to find out what I was doing wrong!
…to be continued…
soul posts 