On this particular day, as I sat on my bed trying to think of what to do, I realized that I honestly had no idea. I thought of researching on the internet, and then decided against it. I felt there was a part of me that already knew what I needed to do and I just needed to get in touch with that part.
Looking back to certain moments in my childhood, I can remember having some experiences that were strange, that I couldn’t explain, and that had terrified me at times. I would tell my mother about them, and she would brush it off and tell me I had an overactive imagination. It felt better to agree, so I did, and the things that scared or intrigued me as a child ceased to happen or more realistically, I had trained myself to ignore them as I grew older.
As an adult, I only experienced things I couldn’t explain when I was in the throes of an extreme emotion, such as great stress, grief, or anger. As a teen, I remember my mother telling me about things happening in the house during those times, and attributing them to my emotions. At the time, I thought she was joking since she had always acted so disinterested in the things I told her.
That day as I sat on my bed reflecting back on what she told me and the memories I had from when I was a child, I began to realize that it wasn’t an overactive imagination I was dealing with. The analytical part of my mind struggled to get a grasp on what had happened. It was; however, impossible to dispute the facts. There was no logical reason for those three raps on the bathroom door. I was now an adult, living in my own home with my own children, and I had experienced something again. I was no longer that child who laid in a darkened room, pulling covers up over my head to keep the “monsters” away when I heard strange noises or someone’s voice other than my parents’.
I had started meditating as a way to quell anxiety initially per a therapist’s advice in my 20’s when I experienced a panic attack at work. I started doing it again regularly a couple of years ago, when I was again plagued with anxiety that seemed to come out of nowhere at work. I was now in the habit of meditating daily and since I was going to anyway, I decided to try to see if I could somehow get the information I needed to stop things from following me home after work. After about 30 minutes, I had a very clear, very simple answer. It was so simple, in fact, it seemed too simple. After testing it out; however, I know it works.
…to be continued…
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